Category Archives: Dating

Breakups and Paybacks

As a single woman, I have been through a variety of breakups… some on my part… and some on the part of the guy. Some have disappeared from my memory bank and some have been slammed right back to the forefront of my mind. One of the most recent “Guy 1” (not the most recent but recent) breakups I experienced was on his part… it was almost as bad as Carrie’s breakup on Sex and the City … Breakup by Post it Note. This break up was really non existent. We had been dating for 6 months, and all of a sudden, I called him after a weekend class to determine our plans, and I got a “quit stalking me”. The most recent… was a guy “Guy 2” that I went out with for two dates. Two… this one just completely stopped talking to me. This one, is where the paybacks come in. Guy 2, I met right after high school… He was 5 or 6 years older than me… and beautiful. We went out on two dates, I got scared, I was this scared little girl… and stopped talking to him. At the time, while I really liked him, I didn’t really know how to communicate my “scared” feelings, I also wanted to see the world… he was “grown” and I was just getting my wings. I while I liked him, I sure wasn’t ready to give up my future, my schooling. Fast forward about 20 years, probably exactly 20 years. I ran into Guy 2 after my class reunion. A group of us went to a bar after the reunion. As I was walking through the outside bar, I saw this beautiful man… I stopped, backed up and stared… was it him? I said Guy… and no response, Guy 2… he turned around and we locked eyes and stared at each other for a minute. We had a great few minutes talking and catching up… when all of a sudden he reminded me of our two dates and my not talking to him. As I explained to him my side… he seemed to forgive. We talked a few minutes and then I moved on into the inside of the bar to talk with some former classmates. As the evening went on, he ended up inside the bar talking with me. We exchanged numbers…. and he kissed me good-bye. Fast forward two dates later… and then nothing.

Breakups are awkward, and hard to do… but I think honest conversation is so much better than nothing….

I find it interesting that Guy 2 says he is looking for a good woman… not a psycho, no drama, a nice girl… and like I have heard guys say to women…. you say the words, but when you find one… you don’t really want her.

Advertisements

Answer to why I am still single

My last post I talked about how I answer the question “Why are you still single” but the truth is, have you seen what is out there? I have checked out sites like Match, I have looked at posts on Craigslist, and let me tell you the choices are not at all what I am looking for.  Some of the listings found on Craigslist:

Incest fantasy? – 33 (Chicago)


Date: 2011-06-05,  7:41PM CDT
Reply to:


Any one else into this? I’m especially interested in Daddy/Daughter role play. Hope to hear from you..  Really? Are you serious?

Older seeks younger – 52 (Chicago)


Date: 2011-06-05,  7:19PM CDT

 

Slim attractive woman sought by successful,attractive man for lover/friend.I’m caucasian 6ft 185 fit,athletic very intelligent and humorous.No games or suburbs,just quality time.love good wine and 420 friendly. Hmmm… sorry, I live in the burbs, and am not into drugs…

Will you be my feisty yet submissive sex kitten?  – 38


Date: 2011-06-05,  6:29PM CDT


Look at that!! … I actually got you to click. 🙂

My viewpoint is that all of the feminist baloney has screwed up male/female relationships and gender roles over the last 40+ years.  I am an educated, smart, athletic, masculine alpha male with a professional job, and am looking for a younger lady that wants a more traditional type of dating relationship.

What does this mean?  Here is a limited brainstorm:  I pay for our dates, and you are appreciative and accept it.  I do nice things for you and admire your feminine kindness, and you show me respect.  I take you out for dinner, and you dress very nicely and act like a lady.  I take you on trips, and you are very appreciative and make things as exciting as you can for us.  I seduce you . . . and you respond to my seduction and enjoy it immensely.

If you really like being a woman, and enjoy being treated like one by a physically, mentally and spirtually strong man I think you should write.  Bonus points if you are into outdoor activities, sports and travel. So basically you don’t want me to think or have any input. Really?

And this is just a sampling of what is out there on Craigslist… the other sites are not much better. So you wonder why I am single.  

The dreaded question…

Why’s a girl like you still single? Good come back… I don’t know, why are you married? These day’s when I think about all the cheating I see going on in the news… what is the point exactly?

Yep, I’m single… I am a 30 something… successful (at least in my eyes) gainfully employed, own my own house, no major debt, no children, not crazy (at least I don’t think so, down to earth, pretty and smart woman. So why am I still single?

Most days my answer is because I enjoy my freedom, but in reality, I am not sure I do things that I wouldn’t do if I were in a relationship. My other reason… I haven’t met the “right” man yet. I do say yet, I hold out hope that there is someone out there and it isn’t someone I passed in the store or saw one night at the bar oh so long ago. As I have been unpacking, I have come across letters from ex-boyfriends… reading them I wonder what if I would have stayed on that path where would I be today, who would I be today. I think all the choices we make (good and bad) help us become who we are today… so I wonder, what if I would have said yes instead of no.

Back to answering the question, my favorite answer by far, I heard in the movie Just Wright – “I just haven’t found what I am looking for… The one I can’t live without.” So far I have dated many a guy some very different from one another… some similar to one another… and yet at the time, not a one has been one that I want to live my life without. Let alone someone I want to share my life with. Sure there have been a few that I thought, well maybe… but then when I stepped back and examined what I was really looking at or feeling… something inside said nope at the time.  What is your come back to the question?